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Marriage 1

Marriage is like a box of sweetmeats(mithai).

 

You do not always get what you want. There are some things that you immediately look out for, whilst others, like nani's hair(sutharfinni) which just irks you out. I personally blame the old people who likened it to nani's hair. But, it comes with good and bad.

 

This is what marriage is like. You have to realise, you are never ever going to find the absolutely perfect numero uno individual. He will leave his socks under the bed, her way of cooking will be different to mummy's. ACCEPT IT. In light of this I found a brilliant article(referenced) by Mufti Zubair Bayat. Whilst it is entitled 41 Tips for Troubled Marriages, it gives brilliant advice for any marriage. I intend, in shaa Allah to go through these points in the next couple of posts.

 

''There is no such thing as a perfect marriage; all marriages have some problem or the other, till the end; this is a test for Insan in this world''

 

1) Always focus on the positive points / aspects of the marriage and one’s partner- Shaitaan is a sneaky fella. What does he do? Your beloved spouse will have 99 good qualities, but just 1 that will slightly irk you out. The best method here is to approach them, and explain it to them in a dignified manner, sweetly. You will in shaa Allah see them make an effort, and even if they slip- you will forgive them. Today, we all are glued to Gossip Girl, or some Western series. Do not copy those bujias! They will tell you that if your spouse does something wrong, then you must be upset with them. 'Milk it for what its worth'. This is not healthy for any relationship, because it will foster a habit of recurrence. After every little fight, the guy needs to produce a 100 carat diamond and the girl needs to make him happy in some way. Look at all the positive aspects of him or her. She left her home for you possibly, she gave up the luxuries of her own home- FOR YOU. Brothers, you wouldn't do that for yourself even. Look at his qualities, how he tries to be sweet, even though he does not know how. Find the good...

 

2) My partner has been ordained for me by My Creator; so no point in finding fault with His decree - You have been joined together in the institution of Nikah(please note, if you are trying to apply this to a pre-maritial relationship,JUST STOP-go play with your pokemon cards or something). Thus, what benefit is it to find fault in what Allah has given you. As in the above point, do not find faults- there is a reason behind every single thing, and Allah chose this person out of billions of others for a specific purpose!

 

3) Realise that Allah made all different – temperament, habits, background – yet all have to live together; this is the challenge of marriage- Pick up your hand. Look at the 5 fingers you have. Some are long and thin, some are fat and stubby, some may have cuts or bruises, some may be looking like they just had a French manicure. The point is, the 5 fingers on your hand are all different. Yet, they work together for the same purpose. The pinky finger does not wake up and say, oh I do not want to work with that fat thumb. I am completely opposite to it! This is what we need to apply. Every single human is different. We need to realise our purpose. If we haven't declared it to each other, we need to: Sit down and say our goal is Jannah. And then work towards it!

 

4) (more for the guys)Realise that Allah has made man & woman different; man is to be the kind and compassionate protector of woman, not her tormentor- Where's the food? Why is the salt so much? How many times must I tell you to have the rotis freshly made? SHOUT SHOUT SCREAM SCREAM. Um brother, you aren't a prison warden. You think you are more powerful than her? Yup, maybe true. But Allah is more powerful than you in every aspect. Remember, how would you like your mother or sister treated?

 

in shaa Allah we will continue in the future.

Hadeeth Newsflash

Reported by Jundub bin `Abdullah (RA): The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, "Once someone said: `By Allah! Allah will not forgive such and such (a person).' Thereupon Allah, the Exalted and the Glorious, said: `Who is he who takes an oath in My Name that I will not grant pardon to so-and-so? I have granted pardon to so-and-so and rendered your good deeds fruitless.''' [Muslim]

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