Home RAMADHAAN SPECIAL "It's Ramadhaan, Don't judge!"
"It's Ramadhaan, Don't Judge!"

The first fast begins and immediately I wonder the mindset of man. Yesterday was a day of movies (yes, Ster Kinekor was choked with card-swiping lunatics looking to get the most out of their half-priced seats one day before the Holy Month), a day of feasts (having been invited to two lunches to which I declined only to be told later about the divine spread fit for kings as each of the seven courses were decorated and laid out in upper-class restaurant style) and a day of merry. The last day to perform all the deeds necessary that will be deemed 'forbidden' come the Azaan of Maghrib.

The next three weekends will then pack the malls and Oriental Plaza as the last-minute Eid shoppers take to the streets. Levi's will sell thousands of blue jeans, most of which will be spotted at the Zoo Lake on Eid day. The Egyptians of Fordsburg and Lenasia will sell Kurtas and cloaks unlike the ones of the years before at prices that on a normal day will be able to feed two thirds of Somalia. Hanayan scarves will become as common as kajoor often with various tailors using the copy and paste function on locally-made goods.

These are however, the actions just prior and post this 'blessed' month. The question is: What happens during this month?

Kurta-clad individuals with their underlying jeans too long (yes, over their ankles), stubble for beards, toppee's pushing their two-length hair back so that it stands straight up come Eid without the use of mini-GHD cruising in their sound-pimped cars playing nasheeds by Zain Bhika and nazams (with musical instruments) by Maher Zain. The morning traffic had Radio Islam in most cars as the voice of Molvi Ravat blares out instead of Whackhead and crew. I'm certain that before the end of this month, we will all be familiar with every presenter of CII, Radio Al-Ansaar and Radio Islam.

The mosques are full. Just this morning there were five full safs (lines) in a masjid where filling a single saf out of Ramadhaan is hard. Last night had eight full safs and that's without counting the kids. A curious take as to what occurs follows next.

Tonight, as every Ramadhaan dictates, will have men whom fill their bellies to a choked capacity between the hours of Maghrib and Esha and then belch the entire taraweeh. I swear, I can smell Mona Muslim Butchery's sausages and distinguish United Muslim Butchery's polony from the other scents. You'll find grown men whom supposedly made wudhu after iftaar yet had the pastry of almost three whole pies in their beards. I've even learnt to tell the types of drinks these men had from the stains on their kurtas. "Brother, tell your wife to add vanilla ice cream to her milkshake, it will become thicker and you'll enjoy it more." He will thank me and wonder how the heck I know that his milkshake is as thin as water.

The kids will run amok in every masjid, playing, fighting and then pretending to be grand muftis as salaam is made and their fathers look back thinking what farishtas (angels) their spawn may be. The young boys will come to the masjid with their 20's pack of the switch brands of cigarettes. Nothing beats the cool air with Quraan being recited in a distance, feeble, mediocre chat and complaints about how hard the fast was then lighting up a skyf with the bras. From there, its drag racing at the Shell with the guy who thinks his 1.4 litre Velocity has the potential to take on a 5.5 litre V8 Mercedes Benz. Its then that duaas are made: "Dear God, please let me win this one. I promise if I win, I'll keep all my fasts!" This mockery of supplication is dealt with swiftly as the massive V8 smokes the little VW.

The mothers and sisters of Ramadhaan should begin a month of biscuit and cake baking. No one wants to have less decorative treats than their neighbours. The Bakersman sits back and sighs as his sale of Lemon Creams and Marie Biscuits take a decline. Instead, Swirl Tarts are made and sugar-filled choc cookies take the order of the day. Hundreds, no thousands of biscuits baked after a month of pie filling and samoosa folding days. Its the two months of a year, Sha'baan and Ramadhaan that you find women actually using the oven. Let me not even begin to describe the culinary dishes just for Eid.

The online Pseudo-Ulama whom just a week ago were discussing Christian Grey, Damon Salvatore and Brian Habana will now have copy-and-paste versions of sermons by Mufti Menk. BBM and Whatsapp profile pics will all have moons, stars and Islamic messages. Everyone will be speaking about how excited they are for this blessed month when 10 days into the future will show their true colours as moods change and irritation levels increase.

We all have the "Don't Judge" viewpoint that Ramadhaan offers us, but seriously, if you really want to change your life this Ramadhaan, do it properly.

The fact that these aspects mentioned above could be related to in many instances prove that we have a lot to change in our lives to truly become somewhat good individuals before becoming good Muslims.

So are we doing these deeds, putting up Islamic pictures and pasting bayaans simply to impress others or are we doing it for our own benefit?

Now that is something to think about.

Hadeeth Newsflash

Reported by K`ab bin Malik (RA): Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, "Two hungry wolves sent in the midst of a flock of sheep are no more destructive to them than a man's greed for wealth and fame is to his Deen.'' [At-Tirmidhi]

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